hot and bothered

Before i get this day started and snap back i want to document a reminder. Dont sound so desperate on voicemails XDD but there was a time limit. i wanted to say have a good day and stuff but oh well. hahha shit! i need to quit my job. JOB HUNTING TIMEEE haha

Editt:

So today was productive, i got my phone fixed, i updated my resume and i signed up for 6 places to work: best buy, sugart heaven, unos, club monaco, panera, and city sports. got a response from 1 already and interview tomorrow. Club Monaco! im excited to work there...not really. haha but it looks much of the clothes are hung so it cant be that bad...right? Everyone says its really bad >.>. like..10x worse than anf. but its a job...i just have to remember that. You dont have to like it. it pays 10 bucks an hour so i cant complain especially if i double with anf

My day was really rough but i trucked it and kept her in the back of my mind. Theres alot of unanswered questions and i honestly woke up and instantly established that i rather not have them answered. I dont mind missing someone that i know will be around but to miss someone that randomly ignores people and seems lackey....Everyone knows ive dealt with wayyy too much shit alone so if im to play any game im definitely not playing that game. First time it was okay, people fuck up everyone fucks up. i tried to treat her even better afterward and never mentioned it didnt even think about it but twice? call me clingy if you must but there is a bond growing and bonds are only worth as much as the communication is invested in it. There is nothing postive to ever come about not communicating, definitely ignoring so meh. I did my part. This goes for friends and people you like. Notice how im trying to justify my side because in the back of my head i thought she was really cool but hey i should be used to failures by now right? Ironic how i was trying to define a player and i defined it as someone that flirts then randomly stops talking and i was refered to as one by karina and yet here it goes happening to me and what happens? This only further deepens my image of a player to all the girls in the world. sigh*

It also didnt help that i read my old blog last night. I remembered why i have commitment issues and why if start its either a red light or a green light.sure i can take it very slow, maybe too slow for some girls but thats only if shes the right person and i feel like she deserves that respect and id rather get to know her as much as possible and have her get bored of me than just fuck her and continue from there. Theres a time and place for everything. I wrote an entire post actually about me reading my old blog then immediately regretting it because of all the memories that started to come back. haha Those memories are probably the reason why i woke up in the morning bipolar and all like..ACK! DRAMA! GO AWAYYYYY! hahaha it was a post about how i accept my past...i told myself i did...at first...then the memories made me realize why i switched blogs and why i never read that other one but hell...like i said in the post i deleted. I was fucking brilliant. If someone told me i cant conversate properly because im no longer talking from the perspective of my oldself (the person i grew up thinking who i am to be my whole life) i wouldnt blame them. There is a clear boundary though and please...just glance and you can tell..the writing and tone and emotions that just rush..at least for myself..are completely different from this blog haha mind you it has only been a year. Fucking fascinating right? I change very quickly. www.roadkillinfo.blogspot.com

I feel bad that i stopped contact with lauren...honestly she was the first person i stopped talking to cause i knew shed always be there and i dont abuse it, im very grateful of that and thats why i come right back and tell her how much i love her haha. Its just i really thought this was gunna go somewhere.

I want my longboard. I miss gliding. Its so fast pace that i literally cant think of anything except the music im listening to and how hard my board can hug the next curve. I miss the miles of longboarding..it was passionate..it really was..and she could never say no haha. She kept going up until even i couldnt ride her anymore without feeling bad cause of what i done. BUT HEY!! i applied my griptape today..it took 30 mins and i was reallly careful not to hurt the board cause for a period of time i had to use a power drill to show the screwholes. lol

So many fish there in the sea
I wanted you, you wanted me
That's just a phase, it's got to pass
I was a train moving too fast

Didn't understand what to see
Yeah, then I got a different view
It's you...no.

Wait, I'm gonna give it a break.
I'm not you friend,
I never was.
I said wait, I'm gonna give it a break.
I'm not your friend,
I never was.

So many fish there in the sea
She wanted him, he wanted me
That's just a phase, it's got to pass
I was a train moving too fast

Yeah, I know you warned me
But this is too important
Now I got a different view
It's you...

Why can't you wait?
I'm gonna give it a break
I'm not you friend,
I never was
I said wait, I'm gonna give it a break
I'm not you friend,
I never was.


This song is very poetic. one of my favorites from The strokes. Its called automatic stop and it matches this situation perfectly. The things that one might not understand that i understood after i related is that when when he said "i got a different view...its you...no" It means i dont thing any differently about you its just im usually always changing but when i saw you i thought you were different and things slowed down...i finally saw something new..but well...guess not haha. but then it says, "Why can't you wait?/ I'm gonna give it a break/ I'm not you friend,/ I never was" It means why cant she just give me a moment to figure out whats going on cause im not going to slow down but i know one thing for sure i wasnt your friend, i never was. I was aiming for more ever since the beginning. haha Its kinda creepy when you explain it and its kinda morally incorrect to me cause i believe people have to be friends before anything but hey..The guy was tryin to be poetic and he was...give him props. Kudos to Julian Casablanca.

Which brings me to the next topic. I guess this is who i am. A confused hopelessly lost romantic. haha cause when i am in this state all my music on my phone becomes awesome again. haha This semi depressing yet subliminally uplifting music is what i listen to on a daily fucking basis. I guess this is why im not making any progress haha