Flustered

Just to let you know...this blogpost took an entire day to type..so its very scattered haha (3pm-10pm) Idk. Im flustered. I stayed at home all day. This is the first time in a reallly long time and im not enjoying it whatsoever. Im assuming its just cause everyone is worried for my wellbeing because ive been distancing myself from family alot lately. Idk why...I feel as if they dont understand me and i dont have time to explain it to them.

(midnight)Ive been in bed for the past 24 hours. I feel absolutely pathetic but this is what i do at home because the living room is too loud and the kitchen is well...a kitchen..so all thats left is my room with its shitty wifi. My whole family agrees i should transfer out of mechanical engineering cause they dont know what im doing with my life and theyre afraid im not going to finish if i keep going cause m.e. is so challenging. I hate that my entire family agreed upon that. This arguement and tension has been going on the entire day..blah really cant handle this shit.

Ehh I blame the lack of cigs and me being super unproductive at home for my crankyness. Im actually flustered enough to get flashbacks of my temper problems in high school. haha I was such a bitter kid.

(1am) Which reminds me...winter is coming and 1) i always LOVE testing my body against the weather or 2) Im not sure if i LOVE longboarding even moreso but...i just bought my wheels! haha. My body is much more vulnerable to cold compared to me when i was even in 5th or 6th grade. Idk Sitting at home for a day is a long time for me and i pretty much went nuts and started thinking well...if im going to sit still for the next 5 hours might as well see what i can do with meditation hahhaa. Havent touched that topic in what feels like years. But matter of fact almost instantly i dived in and first i was in a dream..My body pretty much shutdown so it was like okay..guess youre sleeping since youre all comfortable and all..heres a dream for you. and the best part about those dreams are the fact that i can usually control whats going on in them haha but anywho forgot what happened in the dream or what i thought about but I feel alot better now :] The session unfortunately only lasted 30mins.

2am Theresa has really been on my mind lately. if it was anything i remember thinking about its the fact that in reality, i feel as if theresa isnt on my mind at all but damn i honestly think i meditated for only 30 mins because my thoughts were too loud and i snapped out of it haha. Like putting your favorite song on at full volume then sandwiching your head between two speakers haha. So i need to organize this. Why i like her: shes adorable, I feel like she understands me and sees what i see, she has a sense of humor, shes down to party but still seems to have a sense of self discipline and innocence, I can tell theres more than meets the eye.
Why i still havent moved beyond typing about it on my blog and why ive tried to cut her out of my life multiple times now: She seems like a player, I feel like i dont know her at all.., Her intentions are still....TBA, She has this issue with texting that has me falling hard for her one day...then she stops texting me the next day when i expect the text to just move along and its like....wtf?...it truamatizes me everytime haha and honestly i dont want to get used to that cause then ill get used to crawling back nomatter what...which unfortunately is where i stand right now even though i have no idea what her intentions are. But i refuse to let my gaurd down until i know her intentions are pure and thats that.
And wow, Karina just popped back into my life..she messaged me. Dear Universe, WTF ARE YOU DOING TO ME?!?! right after i finished typing the theresa portion..haha well. Shes typing short and choppy and slow like usual...so w/e haha im just going to go like omg! its karina! everytime and just be fascinated by the interesting person drunk but the ridiculously dull sober person afterwards haha. Then again...thats just like me...*shrugs*

I havent been to the gym in foreverrr i intend to change that tomorrow, my body is still as tone as ever though..and i cant tell if i gained or lost any weight cause last time when i thought i gained weight i actually lost 9 pounds...complete mindfuck haha.

So last night i went drinking and smoked a bit with gordon and arthur and it was awesome haha chris just threw this little bro get together thing at his place and i got there after shopping with lauren and it was so much fun. Both hanging out with lauren and chri's hanging out made the day, which started like utter shit, end with a very happy note. :] Last night was actually when i was drunk and got completely skullfucked with a rush of infatuation for theresa...*shrugs* dono haha but umm..yeah i need to finish this blog post so that i can close this fucking tab haha

COMPLETED LONGBOARD IN (5) DAYS!!!!!! SOO EXCITED