Smaller the greater

I havent blogged in a very long time and the longer i dont blog the more profound i feel like the post should be. But before i continue i would like to say that i fuckin HATE the new layout of the dashboard in blogger. Only editors or writers see it because its the inner workers of the journal in which i type in, first world problems. Anywho, I stopped blogging for a while because men shouldnt be thinking so much. Life is simple, I should keep it that way. I lost my inspiration again...edit later Edit:: This will be the first ever hand written blog post. Transcribed on a little notebook i brought with me to my trip to amherst, you can tell i am quite adament to get some things off my chest. I am currently sitting on the floor of south station listening to my killers playlist i spoke of a while ago. This post will be contradicting my post about "The World at Large", a song by modest mouse. I have been told by many that my downfall is my natural instinct to look at everything in life as a whole. This causes me to be burdened by too many objectives at once. Many of said objectives require prior accomplishments i havent even obtained. This is my problem. Yet, why is that a problem? In my world, the most successful person would be able to tackle life head on like a engineering project. Its the simple understanding of every aspect in the project. If you focus on just the mechanical aspect, the robot will never move but if you just focus on the electrical aspect you wouldnt have anything to move. Every project has size contraints and other things to keep in mind. How will you situate and organize circuiting to optomize space and efficency but how will you do any of that without understanding how the robot looks? And before all the circuiting and electrical board work you need to know how and what to code the robot to do, or else how would you even know what you need on the mother board? but how would you know what to program the robot to do if you dont know what it should do mechanically? The answer to all these questions is you have to know the big picture and work from there. Thats why i want to be mechanical. I naturally think big picture and work on the details from there because Im used to viewing my life as three corresponding components like the three decribed above. I see them as my academic, social, and financial life. Problem is the build time, which is literally forever and the resources needed to flourish in these three components to build this person in who i am to become. Without any one of these three components, I feel as if im doomed for failure because im so caught up in the big picture. This is why smaller is better. Taking baby steps is something i have always been far too impatient for. I dont know what im aiming for when i take baby steps or what my next move should be. It drives me absolutely nuts making decisions not for the greater good but for the moment, I dont have the willpower for that because i hesitate. But hell, people need to change and adapt. I keep dreaming about becoming this successful robotics engineer or engineer of any unqiue sort. I dream of it not being hardwork but fun work. With a wife and son i love A woman i love unconditionally and her to i the same. Life isnt that easy though. Nor will it ever be if i dont work towards it. The point of the matter is, i need to think less of the future and less in the present but more in the next 5 year time period. Ive been working on this single blogpost for about a month now so im going to post it, but theres about another page and a half to go, ive been writing in my journal now haha. edit later