Love, i just finished watching notebook and i want to remember the feeling it brought to me. This inspiration is powerful enough to get me to blog. The emotions of inspiration, true understanding, motivation, content, and just complete and utter selflessness. I know the movie hollywood love doesn't exist between humans, well i do, but im confident it wont for me again, and thats the problem. Whenever i see true love my memories come back of everything in my life and i feel like a complete being. At this moment in time im not living from one day to the next trying to throw scraps together I sincerely feel like i know exactly why everything has happened to me. What is it i see? Mistake after mistake because my life doesnt flow, i dont learn from my mistakes because im too busy forgetting them. It takes love to embrace, regret, and learn. I feel the motivation flow through that i once had, a flame that died a long time ago. What is it about me? i still cant put a finger on it. Ive changed to be so much more beside that and i learned to adapt without. I found a new way to keep my chin up and i think its by simple acceptance. The difference between content and acceptance is much greater than i thought. As of, for as long as i can remember ive been accepting myself, and simply content with that. That is wrong i need to be content and naturally accept what happens around me. How do you do that? I know i can do that by being selfless, by putting others ahead of me. It sounds more and more ridiculous as i type but i know it to be true. There is nothing to fix though, this is who i am. Heartless, a lost soul. I want to love again. Love is a very strong word but its all around us i just cannot see it, i cannot feel it. Even now i understand where my mind was coming from. I saw the world as something so big, and people to be so small. I need to make myself realize that the people in my life and me are my world, and thats it, not the people i see randomly on the streets, not the people i dont talk to but the people that put an impact on my life. I know what people are worth, thats a very keen skill of mine but its much more than that. Its a feeling that i am as big as the world and so is everyone that is willing to enter my world. Right now i know what people are worth, but my closest friends are equal to someone i dont know exist halfway across the world. Sure we have a bond but people are such materialistic items to me. Humans are so minuscule to me. I'm so minuscule compared to the world. There is no compassion for myself and for the people i hold dear, only the ethical reason to give a friend a call, cause its the right thing to do.
This is the subject ive been meaning to touch upon and right after i wrote that paragraph i fell into the deepest sleep ive had in a long time. edit later
