past bedridden

I lost my sense of taste.. im eating my favorite cape cod chips and i feel so bad because im wasting them...i cant taste them. Icant smell anything and im loosing weight again. Sigh Sickness. You shoulda saw me last night i was fucking pathetic. On top of being sick and missing her I got a phone call that my favorite uncle died. Well....Just thinking about it now is mking me sad, he was pretty freakin awesome. He reminded me most like my grandfather. Very selfless he just oozed of happiness and idk how to discribe it. He just knew how to genuinely smile. I tried to learn from him and gmy grandfather cause i feel like that is the best thing in the world, sharing happiness by doing or saying absolutely nothing. The way my uncle thought was very intellectual he couldnt read write or speak a lick of english but he was enjoying his life. He worked as a....I honestly dont know what he worked as haha, i knew him for my whole life and for my whole life he was retired....hes pretty old. But me and him used to sit and bond and laugh because i was one of the few males in the family tree...one out of the 7. 3 of them being under 15 years old and 3 of them not having the last name tsui. Leaving me to be very special The only tsui to pass on the tsui name in the family. haha Idk he used to call me mr. president cause i was always a rebel and i told him i didnt like growing up. He would start conversations cause my parents would tell him how i fucked up. But it wasnt anything like he was lecturing me..thats why i liked him ever since i was little. He would just say well mr. president. You should do good in school be smart, learn how to live on your own then become president, that way you could make the rules. It wasnt in a lecture tone...he has a tone that made it sound like..This is what you are going to do because that is what your good at. It was a very influential tone. now that i think of it.. I laughed at that idea every family reunion but he didnt stop calling me mr president over the years O.o. Haha. Such genuine people...sucks that this world isnt filled with more of them.

I was honestly quite surprised im so sad about death. That was my first time receiving the call..and it was my sister. I wasnt with them cause she said she didnt have enough time to pick me up from campus cause there was no time but i really wanted to go :\. I was at poker night with the guys and enjoying a beer...Trying to keep my head occupied with numbers and strategy and it was working. How do you discribe such sadness? Im grieving not because i miss him or im sad in any way like i expected people would if they passed away..im grieving out of respect, because i feel like he brought something great into this world. I established a long time ago that when i die i want my body burned and i dont want a funeral. I want a celebration because i believe that anyone that loves me enough to attend my funeral doesnt deserve to be sad due to my death. Im going to continue making people laugh and smile even when i die haha.

So enough about death if you want to read more about death go to my oldblog or something XD

Im fucking sick! cant taste shit! my sister knew i was sick so she went grocery shopping cause she knows im a fatass and eats everythign when im home. Im eating this delicious jar of pickles and im getting stressed cause i cant taste it T_T. haha Same goes for the capecod kettle cooked chips. argg. My life is shit right now.

She continues to ignore my texts but she texts me good morning..exams are here so i dont blame her but idk i hope i still have a chance to patch things up haha. but ehh..ima go now.