Surrounded

Dream theater-Surrounded is the song of the night. I was singing it outloud while i froliced home in the beautiful snow! Im soo happy that it snowed tonight you dont understand it just made the night so magical. but first off, let me post the lyrics of this song.
Morning comes too early and nighttime falls too late
And sometimes all I want to do is wait
The shadow I've been hiding in has fled from me today

I know it's easier to walk away than look it in the eye
But I will raise a shelter to the sky
and here beneath this
star tonight I'll lie
She will slowly yield the light
As I awaken from the longest night

Dreams are shaking
Set sirens waking up tired eyes
With the light the memories all rush into his head

By a candle stands a mirror
Of his heart and soul she dances
She was dancing through the night above his bed

And walking to the window
he throws the shutters out
against the wall
And from an ivory tower hears her call
'Let light surround you'

It's been a long, long time
He's had awhile to think it over
In the end he only sees the change
Light to dark
Dark to light
Light to dark
Dark to light

Heaven must be more than this
When angels waken with a kiss
Sacred hearts won't take the pain
But mine will never be the same

He stands before the window
His shadow slowly fading from the wall
And from an ivory tower hears her call
'Let the light surround you'

Once lost but I was found
When I heard the stained glass shatter all around me
I sent the spirits tumbling down the hill
But I will hold this one on high above me still
She whispers words to clear my mind
I once could see but now at last I'm blind

I know it's easier to walk away than look it in the eye
But I had given all than I could take
And now I've only habits left to break
Tonight I'll still be lying here
Surrounded in all the light

Its a very metaphorical happy song to me. To me, it speaks of hope when it says "let the light surround me." This song...i cant define it. The character in the lyrics are struggling between staying positive and motivated and being aware of what hes gone through. just read it and then read my blogpost and youll understand.

I have so much to write in this blog! omg where do i start!! I guess i can work along with the lyrics so lets backtrack and summarize. I was clearly at a very low point and i had to eat several punches from life but that didnt stop me. "As I awaken from the longest night/ Dreams are shaking/ Set sirens waking up tired eyes/ With the light the memories all rush into his head" So with that said lets begin the 2 day story of Today .

Today was a very magical day for me. After a full nights rest, yesterday i had a 8am-3pm shift. I was honestly exhausted once i left cause im not used to doing over 6 hours at a time. I went to northeastern and wanted to eat then nap which is what kinda happened. By 4pm i was done eating. Tfk came by and introduced me to her parents and it was a very fun experience:] i havent seen her in a long time and honestly i cant keep up with her via text anymore with my douchebag mindset in lock, she just treats me like a friend but with potential if i got older...so yeah since thats known weve drifted. That doesnt mean that i wasnt welcomed by a genuine smile and open arms for a tight hug even though her parents were right there. After speaking with her for a while and trying to speak mandarin myself and failing with laughs to lighten the mood she left. I thought okay, time to sleep, i plug in my headphones and doze off for not 10 mins.

Bochen comes by and breaths over me, waking me up. (ive learned to sleep lightly manually! a sign of mental awareness thus a sign of meditation) He says, "Wake up! league is about to start and you need to practice!" Apparently he also recruited a guy named po. Po is a solid player and he plays better than me but on my best days i can easily surpass him, the think about it though is that hes a solid player that is better than me on my casual day. Bo is having a hard time deciding who to actually put in to play so he just said whoever practices more will play more. If you dont practice you dont play and if you dont play you dont get a chunk of the prize money if we win. So this bothered me cause bo knew this would push me to reach my potential. So right then A pool table opens up and its for my friend dalieh which is on the 9 ball team in the league, im playing in 8 ball. Bochen said "If you can beat her, then youre improving." i know i cant fuckin beat her on a daily basis, shes a regional 9ball tournament winner. lol I could beat her once and thats on the first game then fail the rest by a ball or two lol. So instead of sleeping im like ughhh now i HAVE to practice so i go and practice. And fail i did but i did give her a run for her money several times. After winning 5 rounds in a row she had to go and bochen tried to play me with his left hand. Lol i beat him 3-1 and he got so mad. Now im struggling to beat his left hand because its pointless playing me with his right, obviously(he taught me everything i know in pool, ive learned so much from him in just the past week). I also refuse to let him give me any ball handicaps so he resulted in playing with his left hand. lol anywho. after bochen leaves i leave as well cause theres no opponents worth playing in the gameroom anymore lol.

I sit with Sam k., a new reader of my blog. Welcome to TruthofKings! "The story of my life after everything, but before everything else" :] I realized that he and i see eye to eye on a very philosophical manner. Just like me, he is a very openminded person and is caught in this dilemma which bothers me veryday. The fact that im full of contradictions because im so openminded. Like me, he is aware of his openmindedness so we were able to discuss how our minds worked. Sam this will be the only time i bring you up on a post...i think well at least directly cause youll probably read this. Read "I See You" It is a bit less...journal like. Excuse the grammar i dont care about it at all cause i vomit on the page. lol

Me and him talk for a while and i really got to know him alot better. I was always curious as to why he had the same style of music as i but now i know. Im still confused as to why you arent into lyrics but that could be left for another time. During this sit i realized alot of things. I realized that i am very close to happiness and i dont even notice it. "Happiness is something you achieve when you are satisfied with what you have. but yet, happiness is something you gain by being selfless" How do you give without changing? I feel like the act of giving takes from you therefore if you are giving that means you are trying to find happiness by making others happy through sacrifice but does that not mean that you are not content with yourself? In order to find complete happiness you must find the balance inbetween the two.

After talking to him i told to myself FINALLY i can sleep and i nap for 15 mins until chris calls me about a dubstep concert downstairs. We saw DJ Blauw and he was freakin Awesome! after that i drink with him and big thomas and we have a good ol wasted wednesday lol. It was alot of fun until i realized i didnt get to sleep im still exhausted and im sleeping late. I actually had a 7am shift the next day and i slept at 230. So kinda tipsy and completely exhausted with 3 hours of sleep i go into my second day at work for an 8 hour shift.

Now ill begin the real story lol TODAY!

So today i worked from 7-3 and i was tired as fuck afterwards. One of my favs texted me twice and called me twice cause she wanted to hang out in chinatown. Ive been ignoring her so shes been more persistant. I didnt get her messages until 4 hours later lol I actually talked to her on the phone tonight and like usual it was a very awesome conversation. She knows i like her even though shes taken but she doesnt care at this point. She doesnt have any more feelings for her boyfriend anymore and shes trying to hang out with me as much as possible. I told her "we could hang out monday and wait until i get my first paycheck before i think about wifeying you up cause if im not man enough to support you then i want you to know that." I decide to go to campus to see what was going on and after establishing that there was nothing, i went home to sleep.

Don (my friend) has been notifying me that he has brought something from umass amherst for me and that he'll bring it thursday (today) so i was suppose to hang out with him at 5. I got home at 4 exhausted and after showering i slept from 5-7 and i was like sorry donvu i need sleep. He tells me to suit up and meet him in front of the gameroom so i get on campus and i meet him at 8. I felt terrible but i went to curry and i was expecting to see him and kevin suited up ready to go somewhere or something but kevin was just there and he said, "Don will be back soon so yeah.." and i ask him about why donvu wanted me to suit up and he says that don wanted me to meet someone and im thinking wtf? so i go into the gameroom bored.

I shoot a couple games of pool then i see donvu come in with a cute girl behind her. I find out that she has the same name as my sister and that don is trying to hook me up with her lol. Before i find that out though they sit there and watch me finish 2 rounds with some guy in pool. I started feeling very awkward so i started loosing. For some reason there was alot of awkwardness in the air so i try to find the source. Thats when i start to talk to her and i found out she likes to longboard, she likes full metal alchemist and all the tv shows i do, she likes the same music i do (Dream theater in specific she said i LOVE that band!), she has a science major, and she likes adventures and to be outdoorsy. Im completely mindblown and i think...this girl is the girl version of me! I wait until shes taking a poolshot and i talk to don and thats when i found out his intentions. We chill for a bit and i teach her how to play pool. I soon grow tired of it so i decided to call chris and see what hes doing. I go over to his place and chill with don and her and we just sit in a circle and talk and laugh. Shes kinda quiet but she kept up with the conversation, I was very curious whenever anything came out of her mouth because i knew me and her had so much in common. I could tell she was a very sheltered person and thats why she was oozing awkwardness. I went with the flow of the conversation and when i noticed she was falling out i would start a small conversation with just her and when i do talk to her directly im mindblown. She knows so much about longboarding and we talked for 15 minutes about the different trucks, wheels, boards and what type of longboarding we specialize in. i got her to laugh a little bit talking about longboarding and i would have kept going forever but i decided to instead use that to bring her back into the conversation with the guys. She leaves and thats it. 10 mins later she texts me saying, "Hey! Don gave me your number- i forgot to ask you before i left. Nice meeting you and thanks for the pool tips! :) and we start texting! haha

Im just laughing at life..how life can hand me something like this once i chose to be a douchebag and conform. Its like life is like, "NO! what you were doing before is the right thing! be yourself. Ive never met a girl that ive had so much in common with before its insane haha. I wanted to be a douchebag so that i could conform and find someone that wasnt my type but then they throw something like this at me! haha I cannot fuck this up. Lauren she actually reminds me alot of you but shes actually more similar to me LOL :D she has the feminine features of lauren but the awesome features of me. omg. I look in her eyes and i see lauren, she listens and shes openminded and she genuinely cares. The awkwardness i just found out because don kevin and bochen were gossiping about me and her and bochen told me she just got out of a serious relationship so im pretty sure thats why she made it so awkward. She does martial arts too! and that feeling of outward awkwardness was so profound even though she spoke in a casual manner, let me find out that she knows how to meditate too. Lol. There was just alot but nothing in that hangout. I saw so much potential.

He stands before the window/ His shadow slowly fading from the wall/ And from an ivory tower hears her call/ 'Let the light surround you'/ Once lost but I was found/ When I heard the/ stained glass shatter all around me/ I sent the spirits tumbling down the hill/ But I will hold this one on high above me still/ She whispers words to clear my mind/ I once could see but now at last I'm blind/ I know it's easier to walk away than look it in the eye/ But I had given all than I could take/ And now I've only habits left to break/ Tonight I'll still be lying here/ Surrounded in all the light

That ending just states that THERE IS SO MUCH POTENTIAL! lol "and now I've only habits to break." the do's and dont's of proper etiquette chasing lol. Cause fuck being a douchebag with her, she deserves me and im going to go with the flow and im not going to be open but still..i have a habit of fucking shit up. Being a douchebag is so easy when you dont have emotions anyways, like i genuinely can care less about anyone i want...or more lol. SO POINTLESS to me. being a douchebag just means i have an off switch and i turn off myself to that person have them come towards me turn it on, then off again. Do that until the girl is attracted by the summary of who that guy is. Its so much harder actually putting your entire personality out on the table and sell it properly. Thats why ive failed all these years but ive refused to do otherwise.

To top it off, It snowed tonight! The first snowday this winter. and it was the night i meet this girl. How magical is that? I enjoyed it by walking home from northeastern as it snowed :] Dont get me wrong, Im not going to get over excited but im just happy to see that there are girls out there for me! Im going to take this really slow. I honestly dont ask for much but i never saw my type now i finally meet one and im like..Thank you. Im just grateful lol

And thank you don for introducing me to her! I know you knew lol.

Morning comes too early and nighttime falls too late/ And sometimes all I want to do is wait/ The shadow I've been hiding in has fled from me today/ I know it's easier to walk away than look it in the eye/ But I will raise a shelter to the sky/ and here beneath this/ star tonight I'll lie/ She will slowly yield the light/ As I awaken from the longest night