Chariot song

With all the shit that happened to me recently im entering a new chapter of my life: Insecurities. after all these years i finally have enough power to fight against it and i feel great. Before it was just me hiding it but now things are actually changeable. For instance, My problems are my money, confidence, communication skills, academics, and love life. Before there was all this madness about how i was a slow learner, i broke everything i touched and all this weird shit. But now my insecurities are actually definable, i can look at specific events in my life and say, "thats what i need to change." its a really good feeling. Yesterday i fixed part of my financial and academic life. Im reallly far behind on these two aspects, i think im actually going to take half a semester off because of this nonsense, i cant study until i know ive at least but in an effort to fix myself. Of course i still have to live. So yesterday i went to an internship buddy program and got my resume into under construction mode.

I joined a 6 month program that allows me to be "buddies" with a sucessful adult with some experience in my field. It just so happens its a successful man named Tom. Hes going to be very close to me for the next year emailing me back and forth building resume, cover letter then getting me a internship! haha

Im also pretty proud to say that after 3 years i got 2 of the best billards players in northeastern to openly invite me to play for their team! they are students as well and im friends with them but you dont understand, ive been waiting for this for a while. Compared to them im years behind and i honestly wont last in the league until the finals but im at a level worthy of teaching since i know deflection and i can run 1 in every 5 tables and keep my opponent from beating me for at least a turn. In the league, pool games last really for no more than 2 turns im excited to play! first place winners get 500 dollars each and my friend said well be in first or second with or without me :]

I need to go to the gym more often. I havent been in a while. I can tell im loosening up and loosing weight because my v necks arent as tight as they used to be. I need to change that. Ive been continuing my diet but without the gym its all just getting burnt out through the sleepless nights and stress.

Speaking of sleepness nights last night i had another nightmare. This time it was directly going for my insecurities again. things such as i cant get a girl since im not good in bed and i know thats not a problem so lol i dont know why i thought that. and idk i dont remember but that part of the dream was pretty funny now that i think of it. Im really turning this into a joking manner even though its pretty painful to live through because well, if im not going to be optimistic and help me get through it, who will? haha

Edit::

I just got my first lesson from bochen. Intense positioning and shooting training that i failed at and he did in one try. lol. idk, i cant do drills i just play XD. me and mike tied up today in 9ball and i beat him in a race to 5. yay. When i just randomly play im kinda on the level of the big 5 but when under pressure or during drills i feel like im just starting to play pool all over again. lol

Im in a really good mood right now so im going to tackle one of my stresses and just let it out. I think we all know what its going to be about.- You know, i typed alot of shit, and i postd it...got it off my chest so i deleted it lol. It looks ugly to read :P

Anywho to better my day even further i got a text from thomas saying "wow, my manager is really excited to work with you, idk what you said but you made a big impression on him." WURD lol

while im trying to enjoy this glory though of all these new improvements underway my bank account is running dry. I only eat one meal a day and since im in school all day studying, reading, hanging out or playing skyrim, now practicing pool. Im loosing serious weight. Why dont i stay at home? because my parents are convinced that im a complete and utter failure because i quit my job and didnt have class so i was going out during awkward hours of the day for 2 weeks. Like really? i do NOT need to hear that word from anyone else right now. I showed them my old reportcard from last semester, all a's and B's. they said its fake and im like OKAY THEN if its fake then why are you complaining to me?! i showed you my grades and you didnt believe me so anything i show you unless its bad youre going to complain. So why the fuck are you talking? seriously, they think im a failure but for all the wrong reasons and thats the last thing i need. just thinking about family right now makes me want to flip a desk point at someone and tell them to shut the fuck up. Ugh *facepalm*

Anywho im reading this very compelling book right now called "On Human Nature"- by Edward O. Wilson. Its a psychology/ philosophy book and Mr. Wilson knows that hes talking about. Actually its such a good book that i picked it up trying to find a quote to jot down then forgot completely about my blog and been reading for the past 20 mins lol its a dense read but its full of knowledge and i advise anyone interested to pick it up.

Anyways...where was i? i forgot lol well i g2g read lol

Im flipping through my old playlist and man, this is exactly the song i need right now. An upbeat just happy song that speaks of happiness. Its from The Cat Empire- The Chariot Song. ITs jazz r&b rap. very interesting genre haha and of course, the lyrics are so awesome! im actually going to post a link because thomas, just listen to more music like this haha http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-VOB8ajbzY

This is a song that came upon me
One night
When the news it had been telling me
About one more war and one more fight
And 'aeh' I sighed but then
I thought about my friends
Then I wrote this declaration
Just in case the world end

Our guns
We shot them in the things we said
Ah we didn't need no bullets
Cos we rely on some words instead
Kill someone in argument
Outwit them with our brains
And we'd kill ourselves laughing
At the funny things we'd say

And bombs
We had them saved for special times
When the crew would call a shakedown
We break down a party landmine
Women that so sexy
They explode us with their looks
Ah we blowing up some speakers
Jumping round till the ground shook

And missiles
They were the roadtrips that we launched
T-t-tripping across this island
Starting missions at the break of dawn
Yawn and smile say
'what direction shall we take?'

'Somewhere where it warm and wet'
This be the route we'd always take and

Our weapons were our instruments
Made from timber and steel
We never yielded to conformity
But stood like kings
In a chariot that's riding on a
Record wheel

And our airforce flying
When the frisbee in the sky
Have a session while we're smoking
Now we're feeling extra high
And we'd sneak into a carpark
With the skaties on our back
And we're flying down the levels howling
'on the attack now on the attack'

And battles
They happened in these dancehalls
See we'd rather fight with music
Choosing when the rhythm warms
Battle at these shakedowns
And we battle at these gigs
We do battle in our bedrooms
Made some sweet love to the beat

Then our allies grew
Wherever we would roam
See whenever we're together
Any stranger feel at home
In a way we are an army
But this army not destruct
No instead we're doing simple things
Good loving find it run amuck

This be a declaration
Written about my friends
It's engraved into this song
So they know I'm not forgetting them
See maybe if the world contained
More people like these
Then the news would not be telling me
About all that warfare endlessly and

Our weapons were our instruments
Made from timber and steel
We never yielded to conformity
But stood like kings
In a chariot that's riding on
A record wheel


I love music and it has gotten me through so many of the most treacherous periods of my life. You can say music is my religion. The good thing about it is i am able to choose what to listen to lol. Actually reading over the lyrics i think this is reason i titled my new blog truthofkings haha. This is how long ive lstened to this song for. Its such a happy song just about music, friends, sex and people just...being happy and getting over obstacles haha. "Our weapons were made from timber and steel/ we never yielded to conformity/ but stood like kings/ in a chariot thats riding on/ a record wheel! Lol. This was the "declaration i wrote" just in case i actually blew a fuse and went loco. lol im laughing now cause past me was so optimistic! haha i love it. Fun fact about me: i cannot physically frown lol. Ive been through so much shit my entire life but my dad beat the last tear i had out of my eye before i could remember haha. so my mouth only moves two ways: :] and :| well it can :\ and >:| and when i do that last expression people usually count their blessings lol. cause thats my angry face. if im sad you see it in my eyes haha