Petty disputes in vain of the big picture

Me being bilinguals, its most interesting to study the difference in proverbs and vocabulary available. It really makes such a difference on the people. I mean americans and mexicans are the most violent and well chaotic people cause we have the word FUCK or in spanish, chingo(chingas). What im trying to get at is English has a proverb that many other languages dont have. "The Grass is greener on the other side" Its one of the most well known lines spoken in the english language but why? Why do we insist that happiness is always elsewhere? This phrase naturally becomes instilled in our heads as i am sure it is with you as much as it was with i.

This is me saying FUCK that shit. I will make the ground i stand on so that i make my life awesome.

Edit

So i was going through a huge faze of depression and all that bullshit up there was leading me to say that i wanted to be with lin. In reality weve talked about it casually, because we all know she likes more more than a fuckbuddy already..but im willing to give her a chance because she accepts me for exactly who i am, and is attracted by it.

For some strange reason my friend was reading me his essay and i was listening but i realized i was getting really tired at a fuckin exponential rate. It was then that i fell into a lucid dream except this dream was different. im sure it was in the future, i look down at my attire and i disgusting khakis on and a hoodie and idk. I was in the slums and i was homeless. This lady came into my dream and told me that this is exactly how my life will become if i dont sharpen up. The most memorable part of the dream was the dimsum left in my pocket. It was all i had to eat and i have 5 of them that i portioned. I remember i bought more food but i was so unhealthy in the dream. I asked the woman who she was and she said she was my guardian and shes been trying to reach me for years, but my head has been too drowned in thoughts to hear her. I would walk around and continue seeing her around as i struggled, gradually she told me the whole story, which i forgot by the time i woke up but the message that did get through to me is something im doing right now is very wrong. I remember there was so much knowledge fed to me that i woke up right from "rem sleep" without any break, i opened my eyes and saw where i was and was like...its still so fresh..and i knew she was calling me back to tell me more so all i did was put my head down and close my eyes again and i went straight back to the lucid dream. I wish i could remember what we talked about. Something tells me that wasnt any slum but it was how the inside of my head looks right now. It looks disgusting, crime at large and tight dark allies made up the city. It was mostly made from debris or what seemed like scraps of wood/steel. The people were dying everywhere and there was this one place that was comfortable to me. I remember asking her if i was dreaming or meditating after i dived back in but i dont remember the response. It was the most graphic environment ive ever been in during a lucid dream.

I wish i can remember more, which is why i intend to smoke soon, i havent smoked in a long time and i passed up on three/ four times when my friends were smoking just because i know that insanity is like that scary face in the window when you casually pull up the curtains, always there..always waiting for me to be vunerable. Maybe ill have a really bad trip but i intend to dive right in and figure out what she was trying to tell me. I felt a connection to that place and idk why the environment seemed so familar but im sure it doesnt exist anywhere in the world. Hopefully this time i wont get ripped to shreds like i did last time..i need a place where i can smoke alone and noone can affect me.

After she left me in my dream alone i walked around a bit more, trying to memorize the place as much as possible to blog about it later but it was impossible..so opened my eyes again, feeling as if i never slept, i just stood right up and left..even though i realized that i was actually knocked out for a good 4 hours on a table. How strange..it began like a spontaneous nap but worked like a intense session of meditation. Usually after waking up you need at least several seconds to adjust your sight your vocals and the feeling in your arms and legs, get your heart beat going but i didnt need any of that.

A wise man once told me that every person has 4 guardians, this woman makes the second encounter. The first encounter was almost the same idk much of anything from it except that it was a tall man in a trenchcoat and a beard, a old white man. They come and go through the years...only making appearances at the most dire times in my life. I wonder if they purposely use such detailed environments in order to keep the mind working so that they can work in mystery cause thats what happened 5 years ago too, a month after i lsot my memory. zzzidk but im not doing anything until i figure out wtf my head is trying to tell me