Seven

My plan is to move. idk what that means to me but i felt like saying it. Whether that be literally or a figurative move but i cant stay. Plates have been shifting and the floor under me has crumbled. Ive maintained just enough stability to jump to the nearest drifting plate and sit there to see where it would take me. Its been several weeks..months as ive struggled in this chapter of my life. So i miss the days of walking around feeling productive and like im doing bigger and better things.

Life has been crazy, i cant stop thinking about lGB. Actually in the vain of losing her i slept with another :x. I feel really bad..It all happened pretty fast..she started talking to me cause shes on the dance team..then i went to several workshops..said hi..we started talking on fb chat alot then one night we were both up at 3 and i told her i was going to the convience store near her place. we chill that night in the library together from 3-7 talking flirting, she asks me back to her place at 7 after she thought her room mate was gone but she wasnt so i left right afterward. She messaged me the night of asking to grab dinner together and we do just that. After we hang out at her place..then after a couple laughs BAM! She just wants an open relationship so i guess itll work out. haha

Me and LGB continue to talk but idk, i never ask for more anymore from the people im actually interested in. Ive been listening to Modest mouse more lately. Such as "The World at Large", "The Whale Song", "Youre the Good Thing" and "Good Times are Killing Me". All are on loop right now. Theyre a really good band and i got into them almost instantly.

My life otherwise? rather dull, I've been looking for a job unsuccessfully. I lost my first fake last night at conors. Instead of going to conors, i smoked and chilled at mit. I wasnt interested in MIT because well, i was high and im now in both an open relationship and looking forward to LGB coming down to boston next weekend to rockclimb with me :x Then shes going to crash my my place. Mit was the last thing i needed, A place full of naked girls shaking their tits. I mean, great but i was just sitting there with doug kat and conor just talking instead. We were all being lazy stoners last night but it was great company. Tonight theres another rager at MIT and were expecting chris to join us and therefore an extra 20 people lol. Itll be more fun and well drink this time instead of smoke. That way id feel like dancing, even if i am just alone haha.

But yeah, being a douchebag is working lol. It takes a while to kick in because i have to wait until i meet someone new and then they notice the differences. Im not all too excited, im "working on my gains" as donvu would say. My idea of life has shifted greatly. Idk what that means either..i just lost my train of thought but i felt like saying it. Im just going with the flow.

I smoked from a vap for the first time last night. Ehh, i prefer using a grav bomb or something the high you get from vaps are much different, it just becomes the generic high and you just feel like being lazy. Theres no different twist to it or anything which makes different weed better than others. The vap should be used for bad weed because then itll just make it into a really strong generic high. Not a trippy high, or gay high, or funny high, or happy high...just high haha.

My friend has been trying to convince me to get involved in this amway business, but it looks like a pyramid scheme. For some reason due to the amount of trust i have for him and the 3 month money back guarantee its kinda hard to see the scam in it. I looked into his eyes and see nothing but honest words, and he has a reputation of being very trustworthy so its hard seeing him scam someone, but ive had coffee with him and still, he has a great poker face. Hes really trying to get me involved because im such a social butterfly and he sees that as a great asset to the business.

I hung out with my chi trainer again recently and wow, ive become so much more aware. When we just relax side by side i feel a synchronization and my chi just flows freely. I could feel the cold the warm waves of energy spin around my hands. I was also able to see auras, Which is a new skill to me. This experience was actually before my meeting with kayrun so i was looking for an aura, make a break in it to see if hes hiding anything but i saw a clear faint blue/ orange aura. That means he was happy but he was watching his mannerisms. Which is fine, i was looking for flares or breaks in it but that didnt happen. Meaning he was relaxed, calm minded and content. Ehh meditation, I shouldnt babble in it so much. It only leads to destruction for me. even my trainer noticed and i saw the dark red aura around me. Its such a rare thing to see, and honestly its quite scary, I see it right now, actually. Theres a red fog around my hands as i type, A assume its something i should get used to. Im just naturally always yang haha. I can turn blue or green or yellow but my relax state is pink haha. How strange.

Well im going to a family dinner so till next time.