this river is wild

So last night i had another really bad nightmare. I was dying of some serious disease. It was not a controllable dream but it was very graphic. I remember sitting with my sister and my sister was in this dream all the way through. I was listening to a really depressing song and trying to make a 9gag comic and i asked her to help me because i promised myself that before i died id try to make as many people happy as possible. The dream was verryy depressing, desperate, and just plain ol sad. My sister didnt know what to say cause i was crying nonstop so she held my hand and did her typical "idk what to do but ill smile" face. What i assumed happened was that i went to the doctors to find that i had this serious illness during the later stages, so it was very sudden. Sounds like something irresponsible i would do, honestly. But yeah my sister tried to play happy songs and i remmeber i got her to laugh because we went out for a drive, i knew how to drive and things felt better but then mid drive i started getting chest pains making it hard for me to breath. I throw up the mcdonalds i just ate and i pull over. My sister ends up grabbing the wheel and driving for what seemed like forever. I was in the back suffering from the most agonizing pain in my chest and gasping for air and then i start to lose focus and my fingers go numb...Its at this moment that i realize im dying. I look at my sister and the pain has dulled slightly. I wanted her to just stop driving and let me see her again..then kanji wakes me up with his blaring siren alarm clock.

Ive died many times in my dreams before but never has my mind actually portrayed an actual death before. im actually pretty shaken up now because by the end of the dream all the tears i shed and the pain i felt made it so real. idk...i need to quit smoking. I am afraid of death now so i dont know why i keep trying to tell myself otherwise.