Ravenous

Ive been listening to more metal/screamo than indie recently. I think i know why too....but at the same time i dont. lol. Cause the lyrics dont line up. I actually made this connection very recently. I wonder why other people listen to screamo if they weren't witnessing extreme relationship trauma. maybe it just sounded good to them? but a alot of it is very poetic sad love songs. lol. *shrugs* i had a reason to listen to it before..now i dont. And im listening to it. Because someone is screaming in my ear. lol. Hopefully, everyone that listened to screamo at least once appreciated the beautiful lyrics it has, thats all im trying to say.

Lol curry is packed today so i look like a weirdo sitting on some sketchy stairs cause its the only place to sit. Its nuts.

Im hungry. literally and metaphorically. Im eating alot lately, cause i told myself id eat more. lol even though i have a small appetite, especially around the beginning of the day, i eat double of what i ate when i got full. I dont eat much so double isnt that much Instead of 1 burger id eat 2 or if i got full half 10 bites of pasta i estimate to hit at least 20 bites. I feel like vomiting right now (and actually typing that made me gag) but i feel satisfied :] ill be hungry anyways in an hour. lol.
Metaphorically im hungry for anger. I want to get angry now, thats how i work cause it takes something small to spark it and everything else works out on its own due to my natural angry self. Nightmares, testosterone boost due to gym, people beating me in pool. Ive naturally gotten worse at pool lately, cant play for shit cause my body wants to get angry. This allows me to eat shit for breakfast and spit it back at anyone who wants it, such as nate. My tolerance for drama and awkward situations that require a smart choice of words and quick thinking to get out cant be done unless not only am i repelling the drama but im comfortable in it. This requires me to pretty much condition myself when its necessary, ive always done this. When it comes time, and if fate calls for it and depending on how much ive conditioned myself, id blackout for a longer duration of time if i needed to fight nate. This means id throw punches harder, faster, and longer and eat hits like noones business. now that im undergoing this conditioning and noticing it i understand why i blacked out in the past, its a scary thing.
This might explain why i listen to more slipknot again.

Kim and nate came into the gameroom when i was in there not an hour ago and it was so funny. It was so awkward, they just stood there while i was watching two people play pool. They ended up leaving and when i was heading out kim called me over and asked me to go to the movies with them. UHHH...NO? lol i was like, thats nice of you but wouldnt i need to bring someone along? so that im not a third wheel. (they were clearly desperate to patch things up cause i make it so awkward for them.) I can handle the awkwardness now. no sweat. hell, if anything to me they make it awkward. But apparently they cant deal with it. and i laugh at them. When kim called me over and asked me to go to the movies nates eyes were pointed to the table the entire time. He was either angry or scared or annoyed or all the above. Ha. Hes probably angry cause i have still yet to accept his kindness that he's been trying to throw at me. Thats my theory, cause today he wasnt the nice guy he typically is. Hes so annoying now, constantly looking out for my presence and he would call me out and go hey thomas! want to use my cue? or just to say cya or hi. Yo, fucker, you are pathetic and too funny. Keep trying lol. Hes kim and my bitch now. cause for kim to call me over and seeing nate look down at the table like his tail is between his legs, you can tell she has more balls than him. this is too funny for me.

Time to hit the gym, nate your life will be slow and painful.