Runner

Before i tell anyone about anything about myself, some might notice that no matter how open i seem, i am hiding alot. Im trying my very best to show myself so that there isnt that feeling, but getting to know me will still lead to surprises. Keep this in mind while you read my post.

Nobody knows this cause i didnt tell anyone, but i did something stupid. I went to work high. It didnt work well at all until i took three ibuprofen. During the ride to work and at work i had serious epiphanies. My memories of old times came back again. This is the second time i thought like a child when i was high but this time i was more or less in control. I also get that dancing high haha that happens every time and my muscles twitch to whatever beat is around me. haha. but thats besides the point.

When i was high, i had epiphanies about my past. I noticed how immature i was when i was younger. how immature i am now. I realized how mature i was when i was little and what im still lacking now. i came to notice that everyone in college are still immature. i defined immature as "actions or reactions towards certain situations that do not require any reasoning or realization that the reaction just occurred" You react on impluse and on habit. That is immaturity. When i burst open the door at the neu poolroom after i got high and went in saying Hey!..that is immature. Im saying it to a certain someone but my bursting through the door were on impulse and without reason or realization i did it. My friend when you insult him he waits until you walk by him and he kicks behind him, thus kicking your shin. This is also immature because it did not require any critical thinking to do. He probably thought nothing of it when he did it and did not realize it. Thats when you know it was a old habit that followed him through the years. This was the thought process i had when i was young so that no matter what i would be as mature as my age would allow because my old habits would wash away.

I am a runner because when im dreaming, or intoxicated, my mind makes up for the time i didnt spend meditating. I had immense amounts of Chi when i was high on the subway. So much in fact that the canada dry i held would be covered in steam whenever i held it. condensation. When i put the bottle on my thighs cause i closed my eyes, folded my arms and legs to meditate. it was close to my body. Even though it was half empty by the time i opened it the fizz reached all the way to the top and it was very flat. idk. phenomenon. I can also make it feel so cold that i dropped the bottle. Right after that i made it so hot it the steam covered the entire bottle. My body and mind are trying to scream something to me that i can only hear when im intoxicated or asleep.

I cant show myself if i still dont even know myself. Thats why i forever run from people subconsciously. So if you like who i am catch me before i run off again... you know..all these blog post are a bit immature too.