Thorn

This thorn used to be a splinter that got comfortable and just stayed as flesh recovered around it..Idk now i Feel like its a hammer and chisel. I can probably go back on my old blog and know exactly when was the first time i felt loneliness, wouldnt be surprised if it was only 3 years ago. This feeling fucking SUCKS. I hate it so much. And it sucks even more that i can conceal it. cause in a flash...i bury it for 24 hours. Thats probably why i cant smoke anymore..cause i have so much hidden but hey a man gotta do what a man gotta do. idk where im going with this blog post to be honest..i wanna scream but to who? who the fuck wants to hear about a lonely dude? haha absolutely noone, cause no one can do anything about it. Shrugs* The funny thing is i wonder if all the girls ive talked to have ever become friends..and talked about me hahaha cause for one reason or another it failed. Im too awkward, fail wingman, bad timing, just out of randomness, idk. But im getting to the point where its kinda hard to walk around campus hhaa cause theres just so many fimilar faces i dont say hi to.

Btw ive noticed im a really awkward person haha. But ive always been like that. In middle school i was that token asian guy surrounded by blacks and hispanics. Getting into street fights and tryin to be thug and shit. In elementary i was that guy every girl fell for actually hahaha cause i was the same as i am now! except 10x more hyper haha and of course i was more innocent..i was just a comedian. uh highschool i was the fuckup the awkward asian that hung out with la famila crew that came to be strangely fresh with black and hispanic girls. Of course it would be awkward cause i was a small ass asian dude with swag...the fuck? haha i was striahgt forward. People would discribe of me as a ticking timebomb cause you dont know when i would do something stupid or something stupid happens to me. I have countless scars to prove it. I realized I have countless awkward contradictions in my life as well. Im a fullblown atheist and meatlover yet most of my friends are christian and vegetarians. Idk, I had other examples when i was taking a shit earlier but umm i unfortunately i dont carry around a pen and pencil. My life is a circus and im a clown. idk i dont want to be. but eh things happen.

Ive been loosing alot of sleep recent cause something has been bothering me.. and its not just lonliness. *shrugs* im getting sleepy.