Shingles

Good ol shingles. Funny how i named my last blog post "Diagnostic" and actually made an analogy to viruses, i guess i jinxed myself. Getting this virus made me realize something, well...two things. It not only allowed me to re-establish my religious beliefs but it also exposed me to my physical limit.

As i've said before, my body has reach its physical limit numerous times already, this is one of those moments i need help to get up from. I have the shingles, it first started off as a hip pain (one of the many bodily pains ive been suffering from during the previous post i failed to complain about which also made matters worse) then right when i went to montreal as if my body purposely timed it so nicely so that i had to suffer the entirety of montreal with it, the rash began. You can see where it first started, right along the hip bone of my right hip is where the largest and most discolored blisters are. The doctors said MY story sounds textbook-shingles but once they look at it they automatically say (and twice cause i saw two different doctors) "ooh....thats not the shingles. How did that happen? Were you exposed to any plants? are you sure?" Lol Unlike the typical Shingles it does not travel in a band. It does only exist on the right side of my body but if i did not take my medication any sooner it would have spread far beyond my thigh. After the third night the rash began, the night i got back from montreal, it already managed to spread around my belt line almost reaching my belly button. It managed to string around back all the way down to my spinal cord and cover my right butt cheek my upper thigh slightly.

This physical limit shit is driving me nuts. I should always be that guy that can get back up after a punch thats what im known for and thats why noone fucks with me, mentally or physically. Apparently neither is so anymore. I know a virus like this is only possible if not only my physical body is of gaurd but my mentallity is low as well. Im kinda mad that i dropped so low and i cant say ive improved much at all. uhh..

Im Atheist, i have to always be ready to make decisions as if im the only person which can control the outcome and if things fail then im ready to take the fall for it. Death brings nothing but comfort for the people that cant deal with that pressure.

The shingles has definitely helped me and i knew it would because thats how the world is balanced, get a viral disease and in turn meet someone new, or learn a life lesson, or something else. I learned how to properly deal with pain again, thats why its healing so fast now cause i got so fed up with not being able to sleep or rolling in pain.

My life is a mess right now and idk what to do with myself. I was actually pretty happy when i first got the shingles, cause my body was so weak and i was so stressed i was like hell im going to fucking party and if shit happens then at least i went out with a bang cause i had no idea what it was yet haha.

Emotionally, i was doing better yesterday but today something is clearly off about me. Im changing into a very quiet person. Someone that really cant afford to involve myself in anything but the unavoidable in life. im so depressed through and through right now that its sickening and i dont know what to do cause i dont know why im depressed anymore.

Eh. I just need to suck it up i need something productive to do with my life