psychedelic nonsense

i know i havent been blogging. Ehh why? because idk..im confused, but a good confused. My social life has skyrocketed further than it ever has and i found a new side of myself. This was thanks to smoking weed and just..not blogging or thinking at all about myself or whats going on about myself. I managed to talk to a girl for an hour straight at a party about music..that i didnt even know. lol. how does that happen? i dont even know how i pulled that off....i have a sudden urge to go to the gym.

So lets jump into the meat of things cause i noticed this is really bugging me. I've been seriously slacking. not enough for me to fail. but im a C student right now instead of a B or A with just a little bit more effort but ive been feeling really lazy. Thats maybe the side effects to smoking so much weed cause it just brings you into a state of apathy. My old habit of having the urge to do ANYTHING but hw has crept back into my life. For example, i tell myself i want to do hw after i finished this blog post and i have this undying urge to go to the gym. This is a very compelling urge too since i havent gone to the gym in ages. Im no longer motivated to go to the gym. Idk why either.

Speaking of which im losing weight..at a freaking high rate cause i dont even eat 1/3 of as much as i did in china haha. Its pretty sad. its so hard to gain weight in a city with no money :[ haha luckily i have muscle mass to give the weight loosing its limit cause i turned alot of my fat into muscle that i cant loose...unless i stop going to the gym.....fuck. hahha

See what i mean? i just dont care for myself. but heres the psychedelic nonsense, i realized i dont really care for anyone else either....So what the fuck am i doing with my life? idk...and i dont care to be honest. Its all in the moment for me. As longer as im enjoying the moment im not complaining. I wonder when im going to stop and look at myself and realize that i fucked up. maybe then im popping pain killers at the age of fifty cause of all the injures ive experienced. Or earlier at the age of 30 when my life is still going at the constant rate of confusion. Maybe at 23 when i realize that engineering isnt for me. Its so hard for me to understand level 1 material..that its a problem. *shrugs* but i dont care..i just truck through it and then theres another day.

Idk. Maybe i will hit the gym after this blogpost.