Lust

Along with many other characteristics are back hahaha. Its funny to say ive stabilized alot and been just slowly working my way up, unfortunately my body isnt trained for such stress so ive become really soft-spoken, sick, and easily tired. haha. Thats fine though. Im being sure to enjoy it because if i dont take advantage of this time right now i wont have a better chance. Unfortunately, ive realized that along with remembering many of the things i've tried so hard to forget my definition of right and wrong was lost in the confusion. haha so sometimes i find very immature thoughts lingering in my head and i just write them down in order to eradicate them at night. Sometimes im successful, sometimes im not. Here is a good example.

Ive been hanging out with doug chris and kat alot recently, after school got out. Surprising how the group just fit but i do feel as if characters are missing like larry taylor and the many other. But ive noticed that us four work quite well. haha.

After just the four of us hanging out one or two times, we decided to do something fun and hit the movies. I bought my longboard and we went to watch fast five a Saturday ago. Last saturday is when the most interesting adventure happened. haha After watching a movie that started at 12 midnight and going to eat in chinatown til around 4 in the morning we decided to walk back to campus. By the way, coming out of the movies and looking for a restaurant, i bumped into a highschool acquittance. He is a friend of Zhi's and he seems very well off. He told me Zhi has become a gangster and his accent is inexistant now. I laugh at the thought. While we walked back we bumped into this girl that was walking alone on the street. She was very attractive and i wondered why she was all alone. She first came up to me, asking where there was a motel around. We were on newbury so she was clearly lost, if there was any motel its the best motel in the city, not a 50 dollar a night place. haha. She just needed a place to stay. She ended up crashing at kat's place with me chris and doug and we stayed up until 7 in the morning. She was hilarious. We found out she was a stand up comedian and shes actually officially Ms. Massachusetts 2011. haha.
Of course im attracted to her. But she has the quality that had me attracted to Bitch Kim at first- the authoritative voice and ability to speak her mind. Her voice, whenever she rose it slightly, left a tang in my head cause of how unattractive it sounded. I hate how its so hard for me to find attractive girls attractive now due to all the girls that i fucke dup with in the past.
Anyway, we had a great bonding session and like usual i didnt sleep that night. It was mothers day that morning anyways and i knew i was suppose to go to dimsum. Sadi had to wake up to go to a convention and since i was the only one awake i had to help her get to the boston convention center, shes obviously not from boston. So i stayed with her until she found her way to the boston convention center and i longboarded all the way to northeastern after. Expecting not to see her again we saw her almost everyday since.

Why do i write this post? haha. well because i laugh cause i feel the emotion of jealousy. I wouldnt say i felt jealousy for kim and nate haha fuck them. I actually feel jealousy for sadi and its really ridiculous. Chris has a leg up on her. Its very obvious to me. He has a connection with her because he has direct contact to her. I was the first to get her number but her phone is dead. Such a fail ahah. The question is.. why am i jealous? I want to be nothing but the nice friend haha. She actually offered to pay me the day i led her to the boston convention center but i quickly refused.

Jealousy is a bitch, it fogs up my thoughts. Its as annoying as depression because its ridiculous to act upon and does nothing but bring you down. If I was to be able to keep any emotion(s) out of my life. It would be jealousy and Depression. Im very happy for chris if he actually acts upon this flirtatous nature of hers aha he really deserves such a girl. Chris and Doug are the reason why i have a group of friends and a place where i feel like i belong in northeastern.

This post is a vent ahah, a laughing matter honestly. I need to lay low for a while, Ive word spreads very quickly in this group and ive realized that. after i told chris and doug that i used to be in a very ghetto life, i hear another girl i got close with recently named gabbs message me saying so i heard you were affiliated with gangsters back in the day aha.

By the way! cape cod. ahha. What an adventure. Me and this girl named gabbs built up quite some sexual tension between us. I am not the type to hold onto such tension but it was very fun to start :] haha i had someone to cuddle with and kiss to sleep. It was fun. Yeah, I am definitely not the type to hold a relationship because i can expel such desires as quickly as i've birthed them. They make me smile though :].

So im very tired. OH! I also got SUPERR trashed on cinco de mayo. haha. so trashed i was actually almost unable to walk straight or keep my eyes open and things were out of control. This is the most intoxicated ive ever been. This was after around 5-6 shots and 6-7 beers. ehh what a fun night haha that was the first time i pasted out at Kat's place.

Well, My dad has injured himself really bad i feel bad cause my phone was dead and he was in the emergency room. Im going to help him at work...today.. in about 5-6 hours. Im going to be operating a very high pressure steamer thinger. spraying grease off with hundred of pounds of pressure. Itll be quite a wakeup call especially since i havent woken up before 2 in the past 2 weeks and now im needed at 6am.


Time to grab some rest. This is my life until now. Should I spend energy tonight training and collecting my thoughts? something tells me i should give it a rest tonight. Goodnight.